So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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