i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
