so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
