Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
