Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
