one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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