I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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