Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
