so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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