You just made me feel so damn special
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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