I'm eating all of the evidence.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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