After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do herpes really smell.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
