I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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