my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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