Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
