Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
