I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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