Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
