Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
