U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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