It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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