Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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