some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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