Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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