Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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