Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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