you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
