508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize