It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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