There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
