flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
