cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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