We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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