I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
