Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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