I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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