Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
