Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
