Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
