so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
