I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
