drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
