I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
