you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
