I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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