Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
