"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
