My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
so much tequila, so little girl.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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