Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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