My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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