Sry I called you an 8
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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