Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
