We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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