The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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