You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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