dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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