Kiss
Puke
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
