I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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