hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
