You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
