Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
