just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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