i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
