you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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