So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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