There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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