She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
